Reach For The Gin

Words & Music by Mike Sparks
(Recorded by Tom Lewis on Demand Performance)


Reach for the gin, the water's pouring in
Reach for the lifebelt it's sink or swim
Call for the coastguard I think its getting worse
The ocean to a sailorman is nothing but a curse!

I went to the boatshow, you really should have come
Walking round the sailing boats I thought I heard Drake's drum
The wind in the rigging, the calls of shantymen
I took out m' credit-card and bought one there and then.

I joined the loca yacht club, I got her safely moored
The Commodore he hailed me and asked to come aboard
He spoke of a regatta, whatever that might be
And he seemed to think I'd want to take my vessel out to sea.

I explained that going sailing wasn't anything I'd planned
I had no owner's manual nor a books of maps to hand
I didn't know port from starboard, I couldn't tell east from west
He said: "With that much knowledge, you'll know much more than the rest."

I hoisted up my sails and I headed out to sea
The people on the pierhead they were waving vigorously
And I was waving at them when I hit that fishing smack
And they were still there laughing when the lifeboat towed me back.

I'll go no more a-sailing, of that you may be sure
I'll just stay here safely tied up by the clubhouse door
Waving to the others sailing out and sailing in
Sitting on my quarter-deck and knocking back the gin.

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