Words & Music by Tom Lewis
(Recorded by Tom Lewis on Sea-Dog, See Dog!)

Bunts was a dachshund who sailed for the Queen;
Bahrain to Gibralter, and ports in between,
He'd not seen a lamp-post for three weeks or more,
So now he's determined to head for the shore.

Poor old Bunts, the nautical dog,
He's sure to be sentenced to Stoppage-Of-Grog;
Port old Bunts, for 'chokey' he's bound,
For falling in love with a French, Afghan Hound.

Now, this tale that I tell you might seem quite risqué,
But, when we sailed into the port of Marseille,
A poor, simple sea-dog was straightaway seduced,
By a saucy Mademoiselle who'd not been introduced.

Now, the Mayor and Mayoress and a French Admiral,
Arrived to extend some 'l'entent cordiàl',
But off the gangway they were nearly sideswiped,
'Cos Bunts wasn't waiting for leave to be piped!

He's lay'd alongside of this high-class French bitch,
And he's asked her politely if she'd scratch his itch,
With his sailor's allure she could not turn him down,
Consumation was in full view of the town!

So, the Ma'm'selle did her best to please the old salt
'Til a firehose brought their romance to a halt,
Then the shore patrol dragged poor old Bunts back on board,
While the crew gave three cheers for the first one who scored!

So, Bunts lost his good-conduct-stripes and his rate,
For putting the Queen's uniform in disgrace,
But now throughtout France a new dog-breed abounds,
The famous Marseilles-Afghan Short-Legged Hounds!

listen to sampleListen to a sample.

Return to Tom Lewis: Index to Song Lyrics